Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
