Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
