called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
