Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize