I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
