brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
