i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize