spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
