He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it because I queefed?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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