Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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