so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
