i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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