I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
