My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
