He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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