I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
