That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
