at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
