My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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