1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize