I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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