Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
