ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
