The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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