I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
