as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
