In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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