i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
