good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
