his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
