I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
