Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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