tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize