My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize