You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
