I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
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literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
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My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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