So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
