Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
