his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
