drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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