Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
