i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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