So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
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Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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