He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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