it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
