Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
