did you get engaged???
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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