I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
