dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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