Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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