tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
