Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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