Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
