dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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