12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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