Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You need Xanax blowdarts
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
