I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
