Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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