Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
