I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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