My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
