I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
