I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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